went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
