I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
