there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
