it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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