Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
