His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
