i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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