my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
