i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize