Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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