i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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