why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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