There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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