did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
