i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
