There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
