You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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