Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
