You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
