well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm really busy with my period
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