so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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