Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You took a bar mat shot.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize