i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
