All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
