New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
