she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
