Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
