dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
