You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
