Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
