I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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