just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
