Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize