Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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