You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
PANTIES FOUND
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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