I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
