I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
