i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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