Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
