one word: firstdatebathroomanal
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
