he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
