PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
