thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
