I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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