The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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