Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
