I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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