oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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