Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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