yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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