she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
