My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
