One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
