He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
