youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
