Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
