@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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