you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
