ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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