your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm at about main and main street
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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