God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
