Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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