Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
