This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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