I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
