The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
