At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize