My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
