Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
