just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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